O Davey Boy.....

Brilliantly hilarious image courtesy of Tacony Gear. 

 “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” ― William Blake 

Dear Mr. Toledo, (Actually, can I call you David? I mean you were so chummy with the media and I'm kind of the bastard cousin of the media so you know what? I will just take as many liberties as you allegedly did with the tires in the Mayfair area and call you David. Thanks.)

Do you like that Blake quote? I think it's actually perfect for this situation. I mean, how true is that? You sort of expect a certain level of betrayal from an enemy but from a supposed friend and neighbor? Well, that one is a bit harder to swallow. I'm going to do a little piece that I want to call The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly. Basically, it's the angel and the devil side of me duking it out regarding this whole tire-slasher arrest situation. I'm going to try to keep this as professional as possible however I think the level of frustration with this situation deserves some sort of response. Whether it's dignified or not is up to the perception of the reader.

Topic Number One: Your Actions and the Repercussions 

The Good: Maybe a little time in a quiet cell will actually make you contemplate and realize the level of betrayal felt by your neighbors. I truly hope that if you are guilty you get the help you need and take responsibility for your actions. I hope you actually take ownership of what YOU did and not blame it on the fact that maybe you didn't get enough hugs as a kid or whatever other excuse you use to justify in your mind why you essentially held an anxious neighborhood hostage for several weeks and made many of them spend their hard earned money replacing the tires on their cars numerous times over.

The Bad: There are so many clinical terms I could throw out there (occupational hazard with a Master's in psychology). You appear to have some ego gratification issues, a definite personality disorder (if not several) and some pretty serious attention-seeking behaviors. I wouldn't necessarily call you a sociopath until we spent a little more clinical therapy time together since they are pretty rare. I'm sure there are plenty of other people in Mayfair who would like to "spend some time" in a room with you too although I'm pretty sure it wouldn't involve a couch or talking about your feelings (unless of course people were actually beating you with that couch.) Well congratulations, buddy. I think it's safe to say that you'll be getting plenty of attention in jail. Mainly in your butt. Have fun.

The Ugly: Batcrap crazy + anal violation = You.

Topic Number 2: Your very public claims of being a part of town watch and other neighborhood organizations. (I'm here to tell you, I took that one pretty personal.)

The Good: Imagine if you channeled all of that negative energy and negative behavior into actually doing some good for the community like many of us do instead of just CLAIMING that you did it? I'm pretty sure you don't realize how hard some of the people in this community work, take pride in their homes or businesses, and then also volunteer their time whether it be to coach a kids sports team, do civic work, help out with a religious organization, or even drive their elderly neighbor to the store. Many of us are proud to call Mayfair and the Northeast home even though Philadelphia Magazine and countless other pretentious zip codes like to take a regular dump on who and what they think living in the Northeast is. Thank you so much for publicly confirming their stereotypes regarding the Northeast with your ridiculously idiotic behavior.

The Bad: You know what we don't need? Dumb-asses like you pooping all over the good work of the neighbors of Mayfair, the Northeast and any other person who chooses to use their time helping others. You make my skin crawl when I think about the potential damage you have done to the image of this neighborhood. You claimed to be looking out for the neighborhood and proclaimed to every news camera that you were able to shove your face in front of that essentially these tire slashings were a disgrace. When you weren't in front of a news camera you were behind the scenes thumbing your nose at the 15th police district, the entirety of Mayfair, Tacony and Holmesburg and the entire city of Philadelphia. You know what's a bigger disgrace? The fact that every time you opened your mouth you did a little bit more damage to this community. If I had the chance I would probably have all the people in Mayfair form a line so they could either punch you in the face or kick you in the groin.

The Ugly: F**K YOU.

Topic Number 3: Tainting the jury pool (Tooooo late!!) 

The Good: You are innocent until proven guilty and I hope our justice system dishes out what you deserve. Harshly.

 The Bad: I may be tainting the jury pool with this blog (even though I think that's pretty much been done already) but I think I can safely say there is no way anyone with a 19149 or 19136 zip code will be allowed on your jury when you do go to trial. I'm pretty sure a jury of your actual peers would include a monkey eating it's own feces, all the inhabitants of the Island of Misfit Toys, and some kind of a Gary Busey/Charlie Sheen mutation.

 The Ugly: Street justice has never looked so good.

 So what have we learned? There will always be people working against all the good done in this community. Wolves in sheep's clothing will always be waiting in the wings and betrayal comes in many forms; even shockingly, as we found out, in the form of a friend or neighbor. So what do we do? Give up? Throw our hands up in the air and dramatically say "All is lost? Retreat!!". No. The lesson we need to take from all of this is to not let this very public act of betrayal undo all the good that is done and let it tarnish who we are as a neighborhood. The good people truly outnumber the bad but unfortunately the bad ones sell more newspapers. We are Mayfair and we will remain unified.

National Pretzel Day

It's National Pretzel Day!! Stop by The Original Soft Pretzel Factory to celebrate!!

This Week in Mayfair (4/23/12)

I have been soooooooo unmotivated to write today it's disgusting. I kept stalling and procrastinating mainly because I didn't know what to write about. Then I was completely inspired at dinnertime and while getting the kids ready for bed.
What inspired what is soon to be one of the greatest blog posts of all times? Election Day. I'm not even kidding when I say over the past 4 hours I've gotten nothing short of 12 political calls. Ridiculous. I really don't get the point of them and I want to see the stats that say they are money well spent (I'm kidding. I really don't care.) Everyone I know either doesn't answer the phone or hangs up within the first couple of seconds. I will tell you what more money needs to be spent on though. POLITICAL COMMERCIALS. I. HEART. THEM.

The hubs and I make a game out of political commercials by coming up with the most horrible things to say about whatever opposition is being slammed at the moment. We would like to offer our services out to whatever political candidate has the cojones to hire us. I will preface this by saying that you will most likely have to defend and apologize for EVERYTHING we do but it will be a memorable and our goal is for your campaign to be over the top, ridiculous and of course for it to go viral.

Here's a sample of our potential work in writing of course, so let your imagination run wild. We couldn't get Scorsese on short notice so shut up.

"Joe Schmoe has been known to dangle puppies off of balconies and punch kittens in the face. Joe Schmoe also dabbled in smoking crack and raised most of the money for his campaign by giving personal lap dances to Big Pharma and Big Oil executives.
*Cue angel music from heaven*
Lou Blow is an ardent animal lover and would never punch a kitten in the face, even if Hitler was holding a gun to his head. Lou Blow admits that he did smoke crack once due to peer pressure but never inhaled. He then started an empowerment group to help others who also can't take personal responsibility for their own actions. Lou Blow spits on Big Pharma and rides a bike to work every day holding a banner that says "Big Oil can Suck my Rig".
Vote Lou Blow for President of the PTA


Guaranteed. Campaign. Win.

I'll tell you what though...we NEED this kid on our team. He's a genius.



















You know what else is guaranteed? A blog post about This Week In Mayfair!! YAY!!

Well in case you didn't know it's Administrative Professionals Week and Antoinette at Torresdale Flowers has all kinds of beautiful bouquets and goodies to give to the person who makes you look like you actually know what you're doing at your job. We all know they are the glue and the foundation of your workplace. Make sure you show them your love by checking out the Torresdale Flower Shop website here and click on the Secretaries Week link to see great flower ideas to send to the Administrative Professional in your life!

Did you go to Rauchut's Tavern's "Name that Tune" contest on Saturday night? Well if you didn't Kate Rauchut gave me the lowdown on the typical week at Rauchut's. They have a TON of stuff happening!! Here's what she said:

"Sunday nights we have open mic' night from 7 till 11pm some of the finest musicians in the area come in and share with us their talents!
Monday nights we have $1 dogs from 7 pm till closing also do something we call Monday Marble Madness every time you purchase a drink after 7pm, you get to pick a marble out of a bucket and depending on the color, you could win a free drink, a free shots, $1 off a drink, or a try again marble.
Tuesday evenings after 7, we have $2 Twisted Teas.
Friday and Saturday Nights we have a domestic bucket special from 8 till 10, 5 bottles for $10. Saturday nights starting at 8pm we have "Name that Tune".
Friday and Saturday nights we have a DJ starting at 9pm. We feature $1.75 Budweiser Pints and PBR Pints all day everyday, and during Flyers(HAHA Crosby!! That was me, not Kate...I couldn't control myself)and Phillies games, we have $1.75 Bud and Bud Light Pints and $2.50 Bud and Bud Light bottles.
We also have a dart board and a shuffleboard that are always free to play and have ongoing leagues in both if anyone is ever interested in joining, they are welcome to stop in and sign up."

Basically Kate Rauchut just invited me to live in her bar full-time. Granted I'll have to stumble home every night to sleep but I may as well just start paying her rent.

It's a good thing I'll be staying at Rauchut's this week because all's quiet on the Grey Lodge front. The past couple of weeks have been cray cray for the GL and I'm thinking they might be taking a breather (good for them...no need to burn out. Plus I'm sure they are cooking up their next awesomely themed day). Quizzo is still scheduled for Wednesday night of course so I'll be making a brief sojourn down to my regular table to regain my crown. See you there at 8 and BRING IT.

When I vote I think I'll actually do a write-in vote for Mike Perzel. I mean seriously, the guy is a true man of the people. He's holding a contest at The Perzel Agency to give away Phillies tickets (Section 131, Row 5--game to be determined) just for going in and getting a quote on your personal insurance (Auto, Home, Renters, Life) at the Perzel Agency. While there, don't forget your $5.00 Wawa Gift Card. Just make sure you mention the MBA! All MBA members also qualify for a $25.00 Amazon Gift Card for getting a quote on your Business Insurance. No Purchase Necessary must be 18 years or older. What's not to love about that?!

Well I'll be saying bu-bye to you suckers because by next week I'll be rubbing elbows with Karl Rove and the other dark lords of the Sith. I can't wait and I need to go find my menacing robes...I think they are at the cleaners. Screw it...I'll just by new ones with YOUR tax dollars! Mwwwwaaaauhahahaha!

Financial Temptations

Tucked into the hundreds of other pieces of flattering fan mail I receive on a weekly basis was this very truthful and poignant letter. Here's what it read:

Dear Mia,

I don't know if you know this but you are a brilliant and funny blogger(I do, but stop it. No, go on.)

Because of your brilliance, star quality, and rabid fan-base we here at Republic Bank would like to try to tempt you away from your current bank. We have so many things we can offer you in the way of great deals, a checking and savings account and all sorts of financial perks.

Sincerely,

Randy from Republic Bank

I was intrigued and Randy obviously knew that flattery regarding my razor sharp wit and wisdom was definitely my Achilles Heel. He does not in fact know about my weakness for margaritas and trashy celeb mags but I'm sure it's a matter of time before baskets of tequila, limes and STAR magazine subscriptions start showing up at my door (HINT. HINT). So I immediately decided to call him up to discuss terms.

Here is how the conversation went;
Me: I would like to speak to Rrrrrrrrrrrandy from Rrrrrrrrepublic Bank please. (I can roll my R's like nobody's business--my Spanish teacher was always impressed.)
Receptionist at Republic (so tempting to roll the r's--I'll spare you): Um, ok...Randy, some insane person is on the phone for you.
Randy: Hello?
Me: Randy, it's me. I'm calling to discuss the terms of transferring my vast international wealth into your bank. Of course, since I have so much money, I think I'm actually going to only transfer half of it to you because your bank vault may not be big enough.
Randy: Who is this again?
Me: Duh. It's me. Sooooo, before I make this decision I need to ask you a few questions. Some of them may seem irrelevant but I ask that you answer them in the most honest way you can. You may have to cancel your morning so I'll hold.
Randy: Uh. No...let's get this over with.
Me: Your enthusiasm is infectious, Randy. Ok, first question. How long has Republic Bank been in business and how long have you been with them?
Randy: We have been in the Philadelphia area for 27 years and I have been in banking for 12 years.
Me: Wow! That's a year longer than I've been alive! Amazing! Do you live in the Northeast?
Randy: No, I live in NJ but 12 out of my 17 employees live in the Northeast.
Me: Ok, well I forgive you for living in Jersey. I mean you seem like a really nice guy...not sure why you would do that to yourself but I'm willing to overlook that for your employees sake.
Randy: Alright. Thanks?
Me: What do you like best about doing business in the fabulous Mayfair community?
Randy: Well, we really like being part of the community – we have held/sponsored events from PSPCA dog Adopt-A-Thon to pictures with Santa.
Me: And don't forget..you and a bunch of your employees recently helped us out a ton with the the Mayfair Memorial Playground Easter Egg Hunt which was awesome. You were also one of our major sponsors for the t-shirts that we sold! You didn't wear bunny ears though which I found to be a little odd.
Randy: Well, you know, the pink didn't really match my shirt.
Me: Good point. It's tough being a slave to fashion at times. I feel your pain. So anyway, what's your current favorite thing/project in your store/business right now?
Randy: We have Free Coin Counting which is really cool and Free Personal and Business Checking.
Me: I like it. Ain't nothing better than knowing how much the gallon full of pennies I've been collecting for 10 years is worth. One last question; what's your favorite business in Mayfair?
Randy: Of course it's Butcher Boys.
Me: It's the sandwiches isn't it? They are like a siren song. That and the fact that they have Stock's loaf cakes there, amiright?
Randy: Yeah. Totally. (*whispering while trying to unsuccessfully cover up the mouthpiece) *Can someone PLEASE fake an emergency or something to get me off the phone with this lunatic?* OH MY GOD! Uh, the receptionist is going into labor! I really have to go now!!
Me: Alright, Randy...congratulations, you passed. You'll be getting a call from my financial adviser Gordon Gekko in about an hour or so.

Randy rushed off the phone so quickly that he forgot to mention that Republic Bank does have a website at www.myrepublicbank.com

I also forgot to tell him that my terms also require a golden statue to be erected in my honor in the lobby of Republic Bank (he'll be totally cool with it) and that
he must wear the pink bunny ears at least once a week. Real men wear pink, Randy. Real men wear pink.

Name that Tune at Rauchut's Tavern

When I was in the prime of my youth, prior to the chains of marriage and rugrats I used to go to this bar in East Falls called Arenas. It wasn't this fabulous place or anything but I had a good friend who tended bar there. I drank for free (always a plus as a young, financially challenged professional)and played shuffleboard like no one's business. I loved that place!

Sadly Arenas has gone to that big bar heaven in the sky being renamed something I can't recall at the moment (probably something trendy like "bar" or "DIVE". whatevs.) I still love shuffleboard and getting the occasional load on which is why I've transferred my loyalties to Rauchut's Tavern. They have a shuffleboard league on Sunday nights (LOOK OUT MAN!!!) and I'm working on a couple of the bartenders to let the occasional beer slide for me! So far, no dice. Ah well.

The lovely Kate Rauchut is also a fellow Bambie alum, she's very cool (always a plus in my book), and this week on Saturday, 4/21 they are hosting a "Name that Tune" contest. Now I can't carry a tune for crap which really cuts in on my dreams of one day becoming a Disney princess (look out Ariel I'm coming for you and your seashell bra!!)but I'm pretty sure I'm good at identifying them. And if I'm not, well then,I'll just play shuffleboard.

Come out and play "Name that Tune", challenge a complete stranger to a shuffleboard throw down, or just come out and hang! Name that Tune contest will be on Saturday, 4/21 starting at 8pm. The winning team gets a $25 gift certificate. They are also having a domestic bottle special from 8 till 10--5 bottles for $10.

Wills for Heroes

This Saturday, April 21, 2012, Wills for Heroes is hosting an event at
Community College of Philadelphia Northeast. There are still spots for
firefighters, cops and other first responders to sign up and get wills
and other estate documents done for FREE! .

Go here to register. Free Estate Plans

Sponsored by Pennsylvania Bar Association Young Lawyers Division and with sponsorship by Ballard Spahr LLP and the Fox Rothschild Center for Law and Society at Community College of Philadelphia.

Bambies Mean Business!

St. Hubert's is holding a meet and greet with business owners and St. Hubert's grads on May 14th from 6:00 until 8:30. They would love to have some of the local businesses down there to help get this off the ground. If you are a local business it would be great to have you attend to meet some of the graduates and tell them about your business!

Also if you are looking for summer help while these girls are home from college and breaks they are going to have a resume night for the girls and talk to them about going on interviews and filling out applications.

Please RSVP by May 1st to Gina Mackenzie at 215-333-6777 or 215-681-4471. Thank you so much!

This Week in Mayfair (4/15/12) PART 2

Well now that I've documented my complete and utter idiocy to you all in cyberspace, I hope you haven't lost too much respect for me. And if you have, allow me to attempt to gain it back by telling you about all the good stuff going on in Mayfair. Feel free to lord your intellectual superiority over me for the time being. I'll be back. Stop laughing.

Naturally I'll be skipping Quizzo at the Grey Lodge this week so I can lament my lost brain and cry my dumb self to sleep. But those of you who are up for the challenge can attend on Wednesday at 8pm on the second floor.

Let me say this though! I'm not the only one losing my mind this week. Scoats and the guys at the Lodge have an event planned for Thursday; National High Five Day and there is NO information available about it whatsoever on their site! (Ha! I'm not the only dumb one!) Thank God for Google because I typed in National High Five Day and came up with this site.

aaaaaand this little gem of a video.

So I'm assuming that you get to drink beer and celebrate your ability to drink beer by high-fiving the crap out of everyone you see. I can do that. Apparently, I can't walk and chew gum at the same time but I can high-five (I think)!!

What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!! That joke has very little to do with National High Five Day I've just been re-watching a lot of Chappelle recently. I'm stupid so I can get away with randomly associated things. You understand.

Friday is 4/20. I'm sorry? What did you say? What's special about 4/20? Oh sweetie. Do yourself a favor and stay home. Or better yet...get out of the house from under the rock you've been living and head on over to the Grey Lodge for the 420 Everybody Must Drink Stone Event. On Tap for 2012's 420:

Citruelle Celeste de Citracado, a collaboration beer Stone did towards the end of last year with The Bruery and Elysian. Stone grew their own pumpkins and yams and made a nice brown ale with some subtle spicing.
2011 Belgo Anise Imperial Russian Stout
Vertical Epic 11-11-11
Arrogant Bastard

Is it a coincidence that Earth Day is the day after 4/20 this year? Two full days of the celebration of trees? Almost too much to handle. Bust out the granola, macrame, and patchouli and walk your hippie ass down through Grosvenor Square (really Frankford Ave through the Devon District--details and semantics.)Buy a pint of cold Long Trail, keep the glass, plus a seedling to plant. Very cool! Whatever you do don't trade your shirt for a grilled cheese sandwich (Unless Chef Dave is making it and in that case, trade away.) And DON'T take the brown acid.

Always intelligent and ahead of the curve is Mike Perzel. He's so smart he can predict the weather and he knew that today was going to be summer-like. And what is more summer-like than baseball? The Perzel Agency is still running the Phillies contest for 2 Phillies tickets! Be entered to win great seats (Section 131, Row 5--game to be determined). No Purchase Necessary must be 18 years or older. You must get a quote on your personal insurance (Auto, Home, Renters, Life) at the Perzel Agency. While there, don't forget your $5.00 Wawa Gift Card. Just make sure you mention the MBA! All MBA members also qualify for a $25.00 Amazon Gift Card for getting a quote on your Business Insurance.

Alright I'm off to boost my confidence up a little bit by watching a marathon session of Jersey Shore and any of the Real Housewives franchises. I personally am looking on the bright side of things--when the zombie apocalypse comes I'll be the last one alive because I'm completely non-appetizing and not worth the trouble. I'm the mental equivalent of a potato chip bag that you open up that's filled with 2 chips and all air. I'll miss all of you and your humongous brains when you're gone.

This Week in Mayfair (4/15/12) PART 1; The Idiot Adventures of Mia and Helene.

Hi! Welcome to Idiots Anonymous. Who would like to go first?"

Hi, my name is Mia. This is my friend Helene. We've been serious idiots for about....oh...the last 24 hours. We both have a Bachelor's Degree and both of us have Master's credits to our names. We met as co-workers and are usually so reliable and organized that people entrust us to work with brain-injury patients in assisting them in returning to work, school, or their homes after a traumatic injury. All of that being said, we both essentially were sharing a brain yesterday...a very, very tiny brain. Lucky for Helene, her piece of the brain was larger than mine.

In our defense, I would like to say first that both Helene and I were sleep deprived. We had both been up very early; me for the Philly Spring Clean-up at the Mayfair Memorial Playground and Helene was a bridesmaid in the wedding of our mutual friend. We also had been consuming a moderate amount of alcohol at said wedding. Not enough that we couldn't drive but enough that we were having a good time and being, well...idiots.

Exhibit A (Idiot incident #1) This picture.



I don't think any further explanation is needed.

I will say this though; I think photo booths are AWESOME and should be required pretty much everywhere. Think about all the wars that could be settled with just a little booze, some ridiculous props, and 5 minutes in a photo booth! Bam. World peace. You're welcome.

Exhibit B (Idiot Incident #2): WTF did I just SEND??! Disregard!! Abort!! DELETE!! and Who the hell is this guy?
Did you ever text somebody a personal message meant for your significant other but then you accidentally sent it to someone else that it shouldn't have been sent to? Oh you haven't? Well lucky ducky you. Me? Not so lucky. Funny thing about mixing alcohol, dim lighting, and auto-search in your contacts list...it makes you assume that that contacts with similar names and almost the exact same numbers are in fact, the same. And you're wrong. So. Friggin. Wrong. Praise Jeebus I wasn't drunk enough to be sending pictures otherwise I would probably be settling in for a bright future of self-imposed isolation bordering on agoraphobia and a raging pill addiction to black out the embarrassment.

Meanwhile, Helene gets a text from a random guy who proceeds to tell her he met her at some bar and sang Michael Jackson to her. She doesn't remember this so she does the smart thing; she pretends to remember and carries on a conversation with him for the rest of the night.

Exhibit C (Infinite Idiot Incidents); Cars + Girls = Dumb Cliche
I responsibly and soberly drove Helene back to her car at the bride's house after the wedding because that's how I roll(cucumber cool). The whole time in the car Helene is texting a different guy on her personal phone (not the one she can't remember but probably the one she actually WANTED to text because she had the larger share of the brain at that point *sigh and eye-roll*.) The car that I was using gets my hubby to and from work. Nothing fancy and it's an older car and we are in the midst of replacing it because the transmission is slowly going. After leaving Helene at her car and driving away, my car dramatically dies going up a hill in the middle of a dark stretch of Easton Road. Juuuuuust great. I called the hubby to tell him his "stupid effing car" died and that I would be calling AAA. Meanwhile I keep hearing this buzzing sound. *bzzzzzzzzzzz* *bzzzzzzzzzz* *bzzzzzzzzzz* I'm scrambling around the car looking for the source when I stumble upon Helene's cell phone. I answer it and she proceeds to tell me that she's calling from her work cell to tell me that she left her phone in my car (duh). I proceed to tell her I'm about to become a feature story on Crime TV as a victim of some form of highway/trucker serial killer. She gallantly offers to come back to get me so we can be victimized together. While waiting, I'm able to get the car started and have enough juice in the car to coast into a brightly lit parking lot with a Warrington police officer in it and the very kindly Chick-Fil-a staff who offered to push my car into a parking spot and get us soft drinks. There are still really good people in this world.

As we are waiting for the tow-truck driver and our inevitable demise at the hands of a ruthless killer, Helene decides to stealthily change out of her bridesmaid dress back into regular clothes and retouch her make-up (in her car, with the doors open, lights on, radio playing--some of you know what's coming!) so she can look better than me in any crime scene photos. I mostly love her but sometimes I hate her.

So the tow truck driver shows up pretty quickly, gets my stupid car on the flatbed, gets the address of the mechanic and proceeds to pull out of the parking lot with instructions for me and Helene to follow him to the mechanic (or lead us to a heavily wooded area where he can dismember us--Lifetime Movie of the Week!). Helene turns the key to HER car which is now COMPLETELY DEAD. She yells at me that I am a car killer. I throw the door open, tear out of the car in a party dress and heels, and proceed to scream at the top of my lungs while chasing the tow truck driver, who is hauling ass out of the parking lot away from us. Thankfully he heard us, came back, laughed at our stupidity (OMG...what do you mean the battery's dead? *hair flip*) and jumped the car. At that point, I was pretty much ready to cry but Helene and I both wound up laughing so hard we almost puked. Why? One word. I.D.I.O.T.S.

We finally get to the mechanic's place and while taking my car off the flatbed the tow truck driver says "I see you have a wedding ring but is your friend single?" I told him she was a militant lesbian so she probably wasn't interested. He said "Shame." I nod in sympathetic agreement. Yup, creeper. A real damn shame. Sad face.

So after a good night's sleep, my super handy hubby decided that he would go over to the mechanics this morning to see if he could get the car started and drive it to his parents, who live just around the corner. He figured we shouldn't leave it at the mechanics if we weren't going to wind up putting any money into it because we were probably going to get rid of it anyway. Of course, I went with him.

He turns the key. It starts up but then sputters and dies.

Tries it again. Same thing.

He then gets out of the car, comes over to me waiting in the minivan and says "Babe, did you notice the gas gauge is on E? The transmission didn't go, the car is out of gas."

F*&u%^%$*#$@c$##@K!!!!!

Ladies Ancient Order of Hibernians Breast Cancer Walk

This Week in Mayfair (04/09/12)

I'm tearing myself away from poaching all the jelly beans out of my kid's Easter Basket's to bring you all the news in Mayfair. Honestly, the sacrifices I make for you people. You're lucky I'm letting the marshmallow Peeps sit and "ripen" a few days til they get that nice little sugary, crunchy crust on them. Otherwise, I would be typing with very sticky fingers. I realize it's not much of a challenge considering I'm usually typing while clutching vodka bottles in my hand but imagine how much less sense it would make if I had that additional challenge. It would kind of be like "My Left Foot" except Christy Brown was actually talented.

So speaking of jelly beans, the jelly bean contest that Torresdale Flowers was holding has now crowned a winner...a very lucky winner in my estimations (no one likes jelly beans more than me except for the Gipper). There were 849 jelly beans in the jar and the winner of the $50 gift certificate is Pat Zucowski with a guess of 825 jelly beans! Congratulations to Pat! Remind me to call Antoniette later and ask her what she's doing with the jar of jelly beans. Prom season and Mother's Day are just around the corner so make sure you keep checking back with Torresdale Flowers! I'm sure beautiful things will keep blooming!!

Mike Perzel is just awesome. I know you guys are aware of this at this point but it's always nice to just throw it out there! Phillies home-opener is today and Mike is still running his Phillies contest for 2 Phillies tickets! Be entered to win great seats (Section 131, Row 5--game to be determined). No Purchase Necessary must be 18 years or older. You must get a quote on your personal insurance (Auto, Home, Renters, Life) at the Perzel Agency. While there, don't forget your $5.00 Wawa Gift Card. Just make sure you mention the MBA! All MBA members also qualify for a $25.00 Amazon Gift Card for getting a quote on your Business Insurance. Mike, if you're ever in the mood to do a Flyers giveaway I will literally stalk your office...just sayin...

Since the adult Easter Bunny sucks this year and you didn't get the IPad2 you were hoping for you can enter to win it at Viriva CCU ! For all the details click here.

And now of course I come to the narrative portion dedicated to the Grey Lodge. There is practically an event every day this week at the GL!! It would almost be easier to just post a link to their events calendar that you could click.

Like This--click here!

OMG!! That's like magic, y'all!! But then I wouldn't get to talk about it and entertain you (i.e. help you waste time while at work). And let's face it...it feeds my sick, demented ego in some way only years of therapy and medication could cure. I'll save myself about 80 billion dollars here and just pour my soul into blogging and advertising instead because we all know, it's my parent's fault anyway.

Tuesday night is the gathering of the Future Beer Barons of America Club (aka Lucky 13 Home Brewers). I wonder if this is how the Busch, Pabts and Coors family all started their empires? Meetings are every 2nd Tuesday of each month on the second floor from 7:30 to 8:30.

The Meeting of the Minds (aka Quizzo) is always on Wednesday's from 8pm to 10pm. Finally that advanced Liberal Arts degree can start paying for itself in $25 increments at a time.

Wednesday, 4/12 is Rex Goliath Day at the Grey. Who's Rex Goliath you ask? Only the biggest 47 pound mother-effing rooster to strut around the face of the Earth!! He's kind of a big deal. Now typically, Rex Goliath Day is celebrated on 4/7 to honor all 47 pounds of this feather covered monstrosity. However, for some reason, the chaps at the GL couldn't celebrate it on 4/7 and will instead be celebrating on 4/12. What actually happened is that Scoats and Chef Dave took the staff on a camping trip on 4/7 for some team building exercises and it quickly devolved into a real-life "Hunger Games" scenario when they realized they forgot to pack sandwiches. No one really wants to say much about it considering they lost several of the waitresses and a busboy. So anyhoo....on 4/12, Chef Dave will also be whipping up a capon special or two. Vocab word of the day: CAPON--a rooster that has been castrated to improve the quality of its flesh for food. MMMMMM! Sign me up? No word on whether or not one of the other specials will be be rooster ball soup. Ickies.

Rex-Goliath winery execs,managers, and maybe a rooster or two will descend upon our humble premises. There will be no bets taken (during business hours) or cock fighting (at least of the feathered variety--HEEEEYY OHHH!!) They will hand out t-shirts, flip flops and stuff like that and oh, maybe some wine.

On Friday the 13th we will be blessed with another Friday the Firkenteenth event! This week cannot get any better...at least until next week! Another jam-packed happening week at the Grey Lodge.



And on a more serious note please keep the firefighters who were killed and injured in this morning's blaze in Kensington in your prayers. May they rest in peace and their families be comforted and surrounded by love in this most difficult time.

This Week in Mayfair (04/02/12)

I don't know about you but I had a jam-packed weekend of events--bachelorette party, baby shower and then my nephew's first birthday! WHEW! It really seems as soon as the the calendar gets flipped to April there are at least 3-4 events per weekend. It gets a little crazy and hectic at times and we aren't even into the full swing of wedding, kid's sports, graduation and backyard BBQ season. I'm already begging for a weekend off from my weekend!

All you have to do is take a peek at the Grey Lodge events calendar to know what I'm talking about when I mention a packed schedule. Don't believe me? Alright skeptic. Take a look here. Believe me now? As the great Daniel Tosh says, "Na-na na-na boo-boo. Stick your head in doo-doo." Don't ever doubt me again-EVER!!

Quizzo is obviously on Wednesday night, which should now be an automatic thing for you. Wednesday night at 8 rolls around and the power of Christ compels you to your car and on your way to the GL to lay an epic smack-down on your golden god; the almighty font of wisdom that is the Grey Lodge quizzo event. However, you being you, you don't even have to get in you're car because you've been there since 11am celebrating Quad Day.(*cough cough* sorry boss, having a flare-up of the herps again--I won't be in).

What's Quad Day? (Relax Juiceheads, this has nothing to do with YOUR quads...everyone knows you can rip a phone book in half with them). I'm going to be lazy and lift this right from the Grey Lodge description because honestly, if I tried to explain it myself I might get hurt because it seems like it involves math;
"We will have four Belgian style Quad beers on tap (quad quads). Quads are super high octane abbey style ales. The most common abbey style ales are doubles (or dubbels) that usually clock in at 7 to 8%, and triples (or tripels) which usually clock in between 9 and 10%. Less common are singles (oddly NOT also singels) which clock in under 6%, and quads which clock in at over 10%. So anywho 4 quads for 4/4. On tap for 2012 Quad Day: - Lost Abbey Judgement Day - Sierra Nevada Ovila Quad - Sly Fox Ichor - Weyerbacher Quad Come out and work your quads!"

So in summary, on 4/4 at the Grey Lodge there will be beer. Shocking I know since it's a bar. In other news, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. Hee-hee!

Season opener for the Phillies is on Thursday at 1:35 pm (might as well take the week off) so of course there will be beer and hot dog specials at the Grey Lodge for all of you who can't make it out to Pittsburgh to see them. Sly Fox Pikeland Pils ice-cold cans, Sly Fox giveaways and the Phillies on all the TV's. Sounds like a good start to me!

Friday is also bumping with the "Get Your Goat On!.. Genessee Bock Night" from 6-8pm and Sixpoint Sabotage from 8-10pm. I can tell you all about Genessee Bock Night but there isn't much info about Sixpoint Sabotage night. I can tell you this though, about 2 weeks ago a call went out on Facebook asking for 70's style clothing, wigs, aviator shades, oversized walkie-talkies, and a stuffed "dead" body. I think it might have something to do with this classic Spike Jonze video. Apparently costumes aren't required but whatever it is I'm going as Cochese and my husband is going to be Bobby "the Rookie" because he could literally be AD Rock's twin brother.

Genesse Bock night is apparently going to be a very rare event considering that it's a rare beer to find this year(at least in Philly). Also on the agenda, Genny 12 Horse Ale bottles, Genny Cream Ale bottles, and Genessee lager bottles too. Genessee goodies will also be provided and apparently (and I'm taking this straight from the events calendar of the Lodge--it was a busy weekend--sue me!) "if all goats as planned we will have a goat special or two on the menu." Hmmmm...I've never actually eaten goat. Friends of mine in college used to have a pet goat. It was disgusting and seriously, only in college would someone decide it's a good idea to have a pet goat. Unless, you're a farmer, of course. So basically, at least in my case, Friday night at the Grey Lodge is college nostalgia night for me--beer, The Beastie Boys and a goat. *Sigh* I miss you college.

But my grown-up, responsible self is loving Torresdale flowers because Easter plants are in! Daffodils, Tulips, Hyacinths, Geraniums, and, of course, Easter Lilies. Prices start at $7.99 so stop in today and check out the beautiful selection! My favorites are daffodils--hint-hint!!! And don't forget about the jelly bean contest! Get to the store and guess how many jelly beans are in the jar. The winner, announced on April 7th, gets a $50 gift card to use in the store. Easter is in less than a week so get your Easter candy shopping too because they are stocked with Asher's Chocolates!

And who wouldn't want an IPad2 in their Easter Basket? Viriva CCU, is giving one away. For all the details click here.

We already talked about the Phillies season opener and Mike Perzel is still offering you a chance to win Phillies tickets! Get a quote on your personal insurance (Auto, Home, Renters, Life) at the Perzel Agency. While there, don't forget your $5.00 Wawa Gift Card. Details on the Phillies Tickets? 2 PHILLIES TICKETS; great seats Section 131, Row 5 (game to be determined). No Purchase Necessary must be 18 years or older. Just make sure you mention the MBA! All MBA members also qualify for a $25.00 Amazon Gift Card for getting a quote on your Business Insurance.

That's all there is for this week!! Thank goodness!! I personally can't handle any more!