This Week in Mayfair (11/19/2012)

There are so many things to be thankful for. First, here's a list of things I'm not thankful for.

NOT AT ALL THANKFUL FOR:
1. The NHL lockout and Andy Reid

2. The fact that liquor stores in  PA aren't open on Sunday.

3. Quakers (see above).

Not so funny you peaceful jerks.

 4.  I don't have a lake house. (Let's rectify this situation Santa. Pronto.)

5. That the Unholy Trinity of Trash ( Real Housewives, the cast of the Jersey Shore and the Kardashsians) make more money than they should.

6. There aren't more hours in the day.

7. The fact that a salad will only fill you up for a half hour MAX and that sitting in front of my tv thinking about going to the gym and watching sports won't burn more calories.

8. Manatees (Gentle sea cows my ass. Never again will I be unprepared.)

9. People who use public assistance to pay for their groceries while sporting a brand new manicure, designer purse and an iPhone 4.

10. When I'm out of coffee

11. Call of Duty Black Ops- I'm a "weekend war widow". (Where's your husband? Oh saving the digital world from the bad guys for 10 hours a day. ;)

12. Not working for "The Onion".

13. The fact that I'm no longer in college.

14. The fact that my membership to MENSA clearly got lost in the mail.

15. This picture:

No Grandma!! Bad Grandma!!!NOOOOOOOOO!!

SOOOOO THANKFUL FOR:
1. Vodka

2. Whiskey

3. Beer

4. Tequila

5. Let's sum this up.....BOOZE!!

6. Trashy celeb mags (OMGZ you guys, Selena and Justin BROKE UP!! WTH??)

7.  Push up bras

This is an apology to all the men for the Ryan Gosling and Daniel Craig pics coming up soon.

8. Having to turn in my geek card because I just don't find "The Big Bang Theory" funny and I'm not afraid to admit it.

Take aim, geeks. If you dare.

9. Illegal mind altering substances. Lying

10. Daniel Craig in very tiny blue swim shorts. Did you forget what that looked like? Oh, by all means, allow me to remind you.

You. are. welcome. ladies. Told you boys.

11. Living in Mayfair (Awwwww!! Baaaaarf. Get a room!)

12. My twisted sense of humor.

13. The military, police and firefighters who put themselves on the line everyday to keep my sarcastic ass safe.

14. The fact that the "Elf on the Shelf" will make policing my kids much easier over the next couple of weeks because nothing screams Christmas more than living in a tinsel covered Nazi-state.

15. This picture:

An aside: Do you know how much crap I'm going to catch from the hubs for this? He is inexplicably jealous of my love for Ryan Gosling in a suit (ONLY in the suit--otherwise, meh.). Because clearly RG and I will meet one day and run off together. HA!

16. The Grey Lodge Pub's random beer events and the fact that Quizzo is always on Wednesday night at 8pm. When you're finally hungry again on Friday, November 23rd from 6pm – 9pm the GLP is hosting the "Oskar (Blues) the Grouch" beer event. Oskar will be coming to the Grey Lodge with his (or is her) garbage can and grouchy attitude. Wait a second....please note, this is NOT a kids event. It's a BEER event. Scoats is going to be so confused when tons of kids start filing into the bar and they start yelling about how the MBA blogger told them Oscar the Grouch is going to be here. No little green grouch in a trash can but there will be Oskar Blues beers in cans and on draft. Brought to you today by the letter A for awesome and the number 6, for the minimal amount of beers you should consume.

17. The fact that Sue Tanzler was Torresdale Flowers winner of the Candy Corn Contest. There were 987 candy corn in the jar and Sue guessed 982. Lucky Sue will have a beautiful Thanksgiving centerpiece sent to her home on Wednesday. Do not forget to order your Thanksgiving flowers from Torresdale Flowers. They will be delivering all day Wednesday. Call Torresdale Flowers at (215) 338-5990. 

18. The upcoming Mayfair Christmas Village/Craft Fair. Thirty plus vendors with great holiday gifts! Candles, baked goods (that probably won't last til Christmas), bags, handmade ornaments, handmade jewelry, organic bath and body products...come and get it! Sunday, December 2, 2012 from 1pm to 4pm.

 19. Mayfair Christmas Tree Lighting right AFTER the Mayfair Christmas Village/Craft Fair. Festivities will start at 4 with the tree lighting at dusk. A great family friendly event with songs, Santa Claus and holiday cheer. Make sure to try and spread the cheer by bringing a new, unwrapped toy for our Toys For Tots organized by MBA member  and Avenue Chiropractic owner, Anne Marie Muldoon. We will also be collecting gently used books and DVD collection for Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. A great opportunity to make some space for any new Christmas goodies and put the older ones to good use!

Christmas. You're doing it right.

20. I don't work retail on Thanksgiving or Black Friday anymore.