This Week in Mayfair (08/14/12)

Well now that I've personally unburdened myself via a blog that technically isn't mine I feel much better. Ahhhh! Emotional cleansing via blogging is very therapeutic at times. At least when it's my soul cleansing. But if it's anybody else? Please stop your public whining, freak. No one cares and consider changing the title of your blog to "The Shit Nobody but Me, My Mom, and my cat-lady Aunt Hilda Care About". Actually, I'm stealing that! Dibbers! Yipee!!!

Who doesn't want this in their life??

 For those of you who don't have children and are still living the dream Lucky 13 Brewing Club is meeting this Tuesday at the Grey Lodge Pub at 7:30pm (actually by the time I post this...it's too late--put it on your empty calendar for next month..oops!) and then there's Quizzo on Wednesday starting at 8pm. Yeah. Enjoy that while I'm at home going back into my kid's rooms for the 5th straight time to chase monsters out from underneath the bed or to keep my 2-year old from attempting to push the air conditioning unit out the window where it will subsequently land on the top of my minivan.

Yup. Justifiable homicide in my book.

I suppose being a bar owner is a bit like having kids. I mean, patrons invade your "house", drink, eat, get sticky, vomit on your floor (or if your lucky, out front). They also have terrible aim while intoxicated and probably pee all over everything, just like toddlers. They also get loud and attempt to awkwardly dance (some of them know how, most of them don't). Lucky for Scoats and the GL staff, there is a closing time where they can force everyone out the door, lock it and go home for the night without having to worry about how they are getting home. If I tried that DHS would be knocking on my door the next day. So basically the only thing that needs to be added to the mix is for me to walk in and throw a box full of goldfish crackers on the floor, walk up to Scoats, wipe my peanut butter covered face on his sleeve while screaming at him to make the TV's play "Sesame Street" on demand. I can make that happen!

Should you happen to allow your children to live to the age where they can attend college (the jury's still out on my youngest based on today's behavior) of course you'll want a scholarship. Mike Perzel at The Perzel Agency has some info for you on how to help. Visit this website to find out more!

No 529 for you kid.

 Finally, there are 2 very family friendly events happening this week in Mayfair. If you take your kids you might get nice notes like these:

On Tuesday night (8/14/12), the Friends of Mayfair Memorial Playground are holding a fundraiser at the Frankford and Cottoman Rita's Water Ice from 6pm-10pm. A percentage of the sales from that night go towards continuing efforts to rebuild and add new equipment! Bring the kiddies out for a sweet treat and get one for yourself (you can add booze right to them after purchase and AFTER you've responsibly driven your happy children home, placed them safely and lovingly into bed and said your nightly prayers.) Mix the mango with tequila. You won't be disappointed...at least that's what friends of mine have told me you can do. I don't know...I've never done it.

And on Wednesday, August 15, 2012, Representative Kevin Boyle is holding a family movie night at the Mayfair Community Center (2990 St. Vincent St). They're screening "Puss in Boots" starting at 8pm so grab the kids, a blanket, some lawn chairs (maybe some of that leftover Rita's Water Ice from Tuesday night? *nudge, nudge*) and come out for this free event!