This Week in Mayfair (9/17/12)

I had a kid free weekend, how about you? No? Haha, suckers. I would consider renting out my in-laws but we have precious little time left with them since they are going on a trip to Israel at the end of October and based on the sh*t-show that is the Middle East right now, the odds of them coming back in one piece are getting slimmer by the day.  I know I shouldn't think those things, but sometimes my brain is overtaken by that dark, demented teenager that lives inside me and likes to cut herself and wear heavy eyeliner. Actually, I blame the depression that is hitting me like a wave right now as I'm realizing my kids will be coming home in about 2 hours and I haven't finished half the crap I wanted to do.

Whenever faced with the realization that I'm not going to have kids for any amount of time over 60 minutes I go a little nuts trying to cram everything I've wanted to do but put on the back burner into that amount of time. Here's my list of what I accomplished from Friday night until about now:

• Get plants and supplies for gardening at the Mayfair Memorial Playground for Saturday.
• Drink a glass of wine and decide with the hubby "let's watch movies".
• Get movies at Redbox, have difficulty running credit card through machine, run into a friend who is also getting movies who suggests I turn the strip on my credit card to the other side and it will work. He's right.
• Become glaringly aware that I'm a lightweight based on issues with obtaining movies and credit card after one glass of wine. 
• Watch movies and newest Louis C.K. stand-up while drinking the rest of the bottle of wine and half a case of beer with my hubby.
• Pass out around 2ish, I think.
• Wake up slightly drunk (possibly sleep deprived) at 9:00 am, realize I need to eat breakfast and garden.
• Weed and landscape both one planter bed(s) at the MMP.

Pretty sure this is inappropriate for a playground.

• Completely sober up around noon. Realize I'm an idiot. 
• Go home, shower.
• Attend Fundraiser//Beef and Beer--ooh! Beer! Just 2 or maybe 4? *Shrugs*
• Go home and sleep.
• Wake up at 6:15 am in the GD morning (are you KIDDING me??) and proceed to have an allergy attack.
• Put all the clothes away prior to 9am in the morning and clean the kid's rooms.
• Church (Dear Jesus, I love my kids but I just need one. more. day.)
• Breakfast alone with the hubby with conversation that devolved from politics into "Wasn't this weekend awesome? Why did we have kids again?"
• Blog post

What I really wanted to accomplish:

• Shopping at every mall within a 25 mile radius (shoe, clothes, jewelry, homegoods, shoes, bags, etc.)
• Man/pedi/massage
• Learn to knit
• Detailed plan for world peace
• Climb Everest

Yeah, so the short form of that was basically when I wasn't gardening this weekend, I was in some state of intoxication. Not a bad place to be actually.

"I'm planting pansies in my bra!! Yeeeeaaaah bitches!" said in my best drunk sorority girl voice. Oh, you've never heard it? Remind me next time I see you.

Speaking of intoxication, The Grey Lodge Pub is still around. Why?? Because it's the best damn bar ever! That's why!!  AAAAnd...they host the BEST Quizzo in the city on Wednesday nights at 8pm. Added bonus to this Wednesday? It's International Talk Like a Pirate Day. So brush up one yer piratical lingo, me hearties and tip one back while ya answer questions for booty. If ye be wrong, you walk the plank. Seriously, don't blame me if ITLAPD lapses over into something more sinister at Quizzo because personally, if I'm talking like a pirate all day, I'm Method acting my way into pillaging your prize money and smacking beer wenches on the ass. Yeah, I'm well aware that the beer wenches at the GLP have a tendency to be hipster boys. Get ready gentlemen, this is the 21st century. Wear your deepest v-neck and prepare to be objectified by me and my eye-patch wearing friends. Arrrrrghhh!

Arrrgh! Yer hipster wench's tattoo be sorta dumb....

I just took this quiz to find out my pirate name. I'm the Dread Pirate Kidd apparently (pbbbbltttt!) Not as fear provoking as I wanted it to be.  I would have preferred to be Mia, the Murderous Marauder but the quiz speaks and I am named. Go ahead, take the quiz...your boss is late again and besides, dude's a over-paid jerk.

Antoniette at Torresdale Flowers is still having her $19.99 "Cash and Carry" dozen roses. Make sure you honor the cash part of that deal, pirate bretheren, not just the carry part. C'mon now! 

  

Set your sails for Viriva CCU. NO! You can't have all the money in the vault! Instead, finance your Vehicle Loan with Viriva Community Credit Union and get entered to Win Gas For One Month*! 

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 And don't forget about Viriva Community Credit Union’s 3rd Annual Charity Flea Market Event happening on Sunday, 9/30/2012, 10am to 3pm at the Warminster branch!!

The Mayfair Civic Association is holding their general meeting Monday, 9/17/2012 at 7pm at the Mayfair Community Center. So stop your bitching and actually get involved and informed about what is going on in your neighborhood instead of whining about it on Facebook and expecting everybody to jump to help you while you sit on your ass and contemplate more ways to be annoying. You know who you are.

If a complainer complains on MySpace and no one is there to hear him, is it still happening?

This came up under the Google image search of "complainers". Not quite sure why.....thought I would share. You're welcome.

 Also, stay tuned for information coming up about this Sunday's (9/23/2012) Mayfair Fall Festival and Farmers' Market Preview at the Frankford/Cottman intersection from 9am to 2pm. You're going to LOVE it, so make sure to schedule some time to browse the farm fresh produce, honey, all the goodies and have a beer at the Grey Lodge Pub's beer garden while listening to some live music. Oh yeah! Can't WAIT til next Sunday!!

Happy veggies come from the Mayfair Farmers' Market