This Week in Mayfair (3/18/2013)

I've decided I'm going to be a meteorologist specializing in sensationalism (is there any other kind?). I'm leaving blogging behind for the wonderful world where I can be 90% inaccurate and I still getting paid a lot of money to whip everyone into a "get thee to the store for french toast supplies" froth. I have no formal training so I'm just going to read random excerpts from the doomsday parts of the Book of Revelations and really get things going. Today's forecast? Locust NorEaster!!! Everyone run for the stores!! There's the slight chance of a blood rain and maybe some toads. Is that the Four Horseman on the horizon? To the shovels and salt!!!

Nuclear winter is coming.

So while I'm picking out my next outfit for the 5 o'clock news, (hands off that pink dress, Adam Joseph!!) I'll give you the goings on in all of Mayfair because I can't forget my roots and where it all started! At least until I  become wildly successful and make enough money to buy myself some blue-blood roots and then you can suck it, losers!! That is until I botch something horribly and need to hide out from the paparazzi/law because I got caught snorting 8 kilos of cocaine off some senator's ass. Only then will I come back to Mayfair with my Louis Vuitton luggage and fabulous wardrobe to get drunk, make some quirky and hilarious observations, fall back in love with my high school sweetheart and live happily ever after. Oh, female centered rom-coms, you fill my empty, jaded heart so much! Off to feed my cats now!

Today is Taco Tuesday at the Grey Lodge Pub starting at 7pm. Tacos are awesome. Everyone likes tacos. The Grey Lodge Pub makes the best tacos and may be harboring a dangerous secret.  More on this at 11. (Hmmm....maybe I'll just do broadcast journalism in general...it seems like just as much fun.)

Breaking News!! Superiority at Quizzo makes people want to have really dirty sex with you!! More on this Wednesday at 8pm on the second floor of the GLP.  Bring protection. And by protection I mean a really good raincoat....we're going to have torrential rain, a dust storm and tornadoes that night.

There are no words....no words....

And now for another very obvious immature sexual innuendo on my part.  (I mean really, Scoats...tacos? woody? These bad jokes are just writing themselves). It's a Woody Weekend at the GLP!!! Yaaaaaaaay!! (in my head that was a The Muppet Show Kermit the Frog introduction).

On Friday, 3/22/13 Weyerbacher Woody Weekend kicks off from 6pm-9pm. There will be a ton of Weyerbacher wood aged beers on tap like Insanity and Heresy as well as Weyerbacher bottles of Riserva and maybe some Sour Black. Of course there will be a Woody Woodpecker sound a like contest. Unfortunatley, there is a 50% chance the contest will be interrupted by a combination meteor shower/avalanche but it's not certain. Just bring extra food and your camera just in case.

And last but not least, the feel good story of the century. The Mayfair Arts Initiative presents Third Thursdays in Mayfair! Here's the Facebook event page. Local artists, light refreshments (WINE!!) and good times (WINE!). Get your culture on at Headquarters this Thursday starting at 7pm. Come to 7213 Frankford Ave and see what people are creating in your neck of the woods. We've got some amazing artists and artisans in these parts and this is your chance to see it first hand before they're wiped off the face of the earth by an elephant stampede that should be arriving on Friday.