Monday, July 30, 2012

Another New Member!!

We have ANOTHER new member!! How awesome is this?

Say "Hello" to Bill and Adam , owners of HQ. HQ is located at 7213 Frankford Ave. and will be opening it's doors on Friday, August 3, 2012. Bill and Adam are local Mayfair guys and are raising their families here as well. How local are they? Bill could throw a rock from his house and hit the business. He has one of the the world's shortest commutes which you should all be jealous of.

I was lucky enough to actually get to see this store before it opened and I'm pretty psyched about it. Bill and Adam have been working their tails off trying to get it ready to open. If you're into art, comic books, collectibles, and unique t-shirts and merchandise you need to check this place out. Bill and Adam are artists with the philosophy that the world is a canvas and they specialize in all kinds of stuff: t-shirts, screen printing, skateboards, sneakers. Pretty much anything with a solid surface, they can make amazing art out of it! And they are AMAZING. Bill was probably sick of hearing the words "That's sooooo cool" come out of my mouth.

Once they are established, the plan is also for Bill and Adam to host art nights with several of their artist friends and other local artists where they will teach you how to draw in a particular style.

Please make sure you stop by to welcome Bill and Adam to the Avenue!

Sunday, July 29, 2012

This Week in Mayfair (07/29/12)

The dog days of summer are just gearing up for August and already the school supplies are out. Teachers are lamenting the expeditious passage of the summer while for most of the parents, the countdown is on. I have a tendency to sympathize with the teachers a little bit more just because my husband is one and I know how hard he works during the school year, often being up til the early hours of the morning either grading papers or trolling the internet for the perfect picture or video to get a point across to his kids.

Not that I don't sympathize with the parents, of course I do. Currently, I'm a stay-at-home mom to a 2 and 4 year old boy. Trust me, I'm familiar with the feeling of needing a drink prior to 9am in the morning and I'm usually covered in a mixture of peanut butter, snot, and some unidentifiable crust (Is that blood? What the??). I can also recite "Cars" line-by-line and can identify all of Thomas and his friends by the sound of their whistles. It's exhausting!! Add the summer heat, the endless chants of "I'MMMMMM BOOOOORED" starting 2 days after school lets out, and you're about ready to let them smear ice cream on the walls and watch Tarantino movies if it will keep them quiet and out of your hair for 10 minutes.

You don't want to deal with them one-on-one for 3 months. Imagine 36 of them for 9 months.

I'm pretty sure Scoats and staff at the Grey Lodge would make a fortune if they opened up a combo day camp/bar during the summer. What? A girl can dream. I know I would be there pretty much every day. Let's see....good food? Check. Other adults? Check. Television? Check. What I'm I forgetting?  Something important I know.....begins with a "B". Oh yeah. BOOZE. Check. Check. Check. And then if it gets too hot you just let them play behind the wet bar.

Here's the suggested curriculum I think any parent can get behind:

  • Arts and Craft Beer (Decorating your favorite pint of Yards with feathers, leather, and glitter)
  • Athletics (Keg Rolling, Darts, and Pool)
  • Food Prep (totally legal because the parents are PAYING the GL for this once in a lifetime experience. The highlight of the summer will be dropping fries into hot oil and watching them bubble.)
  • The Art of Tying One On (How to make knots. Duh.)
  • Music (I'm sure there's a karoke machine around here somewhere).
  • Making Friends with other MBA members (A visit to Camp Rauchut's Tavern includes a shuffleboard tournament and Camp Hammerheads is all about aquatic sports and fishing.)
  • Education (Quizzo, Wednesday nights at 8 on the second floor. Who says you never learned anything at camp except how to awkwardly kiss behind the mess hall and the finer points of TPing your bunk mate without waking them up?)
 Sure, once all the adults are properly sauced and the kids take over it will all devolve into a scene out of Bugsy Malone but that won't happen until at least mid-August so it's all good.  

You know what you can do about that whole boredom thing? Take the kids to The Perzel Agency and get insurance quotes for personal insurance (Auto, Home, Renters, Life). You will then be entered to win seats for a Phillies game (Section 131, Row 5--game to be determined).  While there, don't forget your $5.00 Wawa Gift Card. Just make sure you mention the MBA! All MBA members also qualify for a $25.00 Amazon Gift Card for getting a quote on your Business Insurance. No Purchase Necessary must be 18 years or older.

I got quotes on my life insurance and made Mike go through every possible type of freak summer accident that could happen to me. Here's the list I got quotes on:

1. Malaria. The mosquitoes are brutal this year, y'all.
2. Dying while watching that European dude on the beach bend over in that teensy little thong. Gags.

3. Pretending I'm part of the cast of the "Jersey Shore", drinking like a pre-preggo Snooki and walking into oncoming shore traffic. Wait. I probably won't die from that because it's TRAFFIC and therefore not moving. Hmmmmm. Let me ponder that one....

4. Getting caught in a sea battle between Mega-Shark and Giant Octopus while in the SIC. It could happen. Look at this picture. It's for reals yo.

5. Falling into a vat of milkshakes and drowning. I couldn't breathe because I had a mouthful of Douglass' Salt Water Taffy. Who the F**K puts a VAT of milkshakes in the middle of the Boardwalk??

I drink your milkshake! I drink it up!!!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Son, Be a Dentist!

When it rains it pours! We have ANOTHER new member....Dr. Jeffrey Berger, DDS. Dr. Berger is located at 6239 Frankford Ave and in case you don't know what DDS stands for, he's a dentist!! But the nice kind of dentist...the gentle one, who has gentle, magic fingers and lots of laughing gas. Yipee!!

Dr. Berger is sooooooo much better than this guy!! Call him!
Take a look at his website here, Dr. Jeffrey Berger, or call him for an appointment at 215-333-8441. He and his staff are awesome at helping you with all of your cosmetic and general dentistry needs and they specialize in geriatric dentistry.  So grab the family, especially Grandma and her teeth, and get an appointment now!!

Here Comes the Sun!

Let's all welcome our newest MBA member, Malibu Beach at 7337 Frankford Ave!!

Woo-hoo! A warm and sunny welcome to owner Gail and her staff who specialize in tanning, piercings, and spray tans (great idea in a historically Irish neighborhood. I basically have 2 different colors, pasty white or sunburned and blistered. Damn my fair-skinned heritage.) We are so glad to have you as part of our group!

Here's their website so browse on over and say hi! Malibu Beach or you can call them at 215-333-4997.

This Week in Mayfair (07/23/12)

Did you ever have one of those days where you swore it was a completely different day entirely until something triggered that "Holy crap, it's actually Monday, not Sunday." realization? Yeah, that was me, except mine lasted until Tuesday and by that point I didn't have time to write, until now. Damn kids and their demands to be fed, clothed and paid attention to. Needy little buggers. Praise Jeebus for naptime.

But now I'm here...better late than never I suppose (RIGHT?? Right.) So first things first, there's this little thing in Philly called the Philly Hot List sponsored by PHL 17 and several of our MBA members are included and we want to make sure they make it mainly because their awesome and they are our neighbors! But mainly because they are awesome. I wish they had a category for best Mayfair Business Association Blogger because I would OWN that title. In fact, I'm bestowing it on myself: I'M A WINNER!! YAY!!! Alright enough's who to vote for:

Vote for Antoniette and the fabulous Torresdale Flower Shop here. She's running an awesome special of 12 red roses, wrapped and ready in the store for $19.99. Go get yours for your honey today and vote!  Philly Hot List Torresdale Flower Shop. 

 Aaaaaand BellaLisa Hair Studios. Vote for Lisa and her lovely ladies here. How can you not vote for Lisa? Look at these amazing before and after pictures. I mean c'mon!  Philly Hot List BellaLisa
Before coming to BellaLisa Hair Studios.

After being beautified by BellaLisa Hair Studio. Pictures don't lie people. 

 The Grey Lodge Pub is also up for 2 categories Best Neighborhood Bar and Best Cheesesteak AND Best Burger (I have not actually had a GL burger...I may have to remedy this tonight.) Not on the list is voting for best Quizzo, which happens on a weekly basis, Wednesday's at 8pm on the second floor. It's so good that Stephen Hawking, Bill Gates and Albert Einstein (Yes, I'm aware he's dead. Or is he? Time is relative people. Bang! That's the sound of your mind being blown.) have been known to frequent it but they are turned away because you need a team of 4! Smartest men in the world and they can't find a 4th person. Guess all those years of decreased social interaction didn't pay off, huh? Go buy yourself some friends, nerds. 

 So long story short, be a true Philadelphian and vote often. In fact, create an account for all your dead relatives and have them vote too. It's the Philly way. No need for any ID, not yet anyway.  If you know of any other MBA businesses that are up for voting that I missed, let me know and I will add them so you can vote for them too.

I don't know if Mike Perzel and The Perzel Agency are up for Philly Hot List awards for best insurance agency or fastest quote but let's ride the tide of the Phillies win last night over the Brewers and get yourself some tickets courtesy of Mike Perzel.  Get a quote on your personal insurance (Auto, Home, Renters, Life). You will then be entered to win seats for a Phillies game (Section 131, Row 5--game to be determined).  While there, don't forget your $5.00 Wawa Gift Card. Just make sure you mention the MBA! All MBA members also qualify for a $25.00 Amazon Gift Card for getting a quote on your Business Insurance. No Purchase Necessary must be 18 years or older.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

This Week in Mayfair (07/16/12)

My mother-in-law assigned me the task of finding tile for the 2 shore house bathrooms. Not any tile, oh no, THIS tile has to match the existing olive green tile since we aren't doing a major renovation, just a sink and back splash update. But I found it! I searched high and low trying to match the color with little to no luck except for today when I walked into Lomax and found it. I was already in love and envisioning it on the walls when the sales chick dropped the "It's $30 a tile sheet" bomb on me. Ummmm...WHAT?? No thanks, I'll keep looking.

I found the PERFECT tile!

First world problems: The tile I like is too expensive.
Why do you care? If you're a heterosexual man, like my husband and father-in-law, who inevitably slink away as soon as the MIL and I start talking about decorating, you probably tuned me out at the word "tile". If you're a woman, well it's just not that interesting of a story and I didn't have anything to write about since I honestly didn't want to go on about how much I musically and visually enjoyed  Roger Water's "The Wall".  I was going to buy a concert t-shirt for $40 but decided against it since RW railed against the evils of capitalism so convincingly that I decided against lining the pockets of a man who's already a millionaire. It was that and all the hypnotic flashy lights and floating black piggy and worrying about the marching hammers being able to track me down via the microchip probably implanted in each t-shirt (Chemically induced paranoia? I'll never tell). I wonder if he's able to swim around in his money like Scrooge McDuck?

Just beautiful.
Alright enough crazy talk (Craaaaaaaazeeee. Toys in the attic I am craaaaaazeeee). Wait. Did I tell you that I saw "The Wall" down at Citizens Bank Park? It  was one of those lovely breezy summer nights heavy with the promise of rain but never fullfilled. It truly is a jewel of a stadium with a great view of Center City and the surrounding area. You can visit in person and marvel at the sparkling skyscrapers if you stop in to see Mike Perzel and his wonderful staff at The Perzel Agency. Get a quote on your personal insurance (Auto, Home, Renters, Life). You will then be entered to win seats for a Phillies game (Section 131, Row 5--game to be determined).  While there, don't forget your $5.00 Wawa Gift Card. Just make sure you mention the MBA! All MBA members also qualify for a $25.00 Amazon Gift Card for getting a quote on your Business Insurance. No Purchase Necessary must be 18 years or older.

What shall we do now?  What shall we use to fill the empty spaces? Where waves of hunger roar? I say head to the Grey Lodge but then again I'm biased. Fabulously intelligent, but biased nonetheless (I'm also insanely modest). Scoats and the crew are still recovering from their Friday the Firkenteenth specials but they will still be holding Quizzo on Wednesday night starting at 8pm. However mirth and merry are always abundant at the Grey any night of the week so stop on down! Cheers!

Taking the position of informational guru (I prefer the name Oracle personally, but sometimes a name like that takes time to catch on. I'm willing to wait.) a demonstration against the proposed methadone clinic at 7900 Frankford Ave is scheduled for Thursday, July 19, 2012 at 6pm in front of the location. Here is the link to the Facebook page for more information of you are interested in going.

Is there anybody.....OUT THERE?

Monday, July 9, 2012

This Week in Mayfair (07/09/12)

Yup. It's that hot.
UPDATE: It's still hot.
FURTHER UPDATE: It's summer in Philadelphia...what makes you think it wasn't going to be hot and humid in JULY?

Hold it together peeps! There's a little bit of relief today where you can actually go outside without the heat hitting you in the face like a ton of bricks and immediately starting to sweat. So, how were you all keeping cool? Me, I pretty much stayed inside and watched movies I hadn't yet gotten the chance to see. That and I shopped my over-heated little heart out at Target (I really need to see about making them an MBA member even though there isn't one in Mayfair). I think I must have been there at least 5 times over the past 5 days and dropped a couple hundred bucks on stuff that I needed/didn't need but must have! I walked around in there so much because I was dreading going on in the heat and delaying the inevitable of trekking back to my car in the blazing heat and promptly burning my hand trying to get my seat belt on, on the steering wheel and burning my ass on the seats. You know you have a problem when the guard greets you and says "Hey! You're back!" Yup.

This humidity makes my hair crazy.
Things continue to heat up at the Grey Lodge Pub this week and there is much ado about stuff! The Lucky 13 Homebrew Club will be meeting on Tuesday to discuss the art and science of brewing with each other and how they all survived the heat during the past week. I'm going to channel my inner psychic and say iced underwear was very popular (I wonder if Target carries that? Because I obviously need it.). Lucky 13 will meet at 7:30 on the second floor so get your frosty behind there! As always Quizzo will be on Wednesday night starting at 8pm and if I were running it I would be dressed as Heat Miser and only have heat related questions!! Here's a sample of what I would ask because these seem to be the burning questions(yuk, yuk) EVERYONE seems to be asking everyone else (obviously the answers are all subjective but most creative answer wins. Please note, I will also accept acts of minor physical violence as answers to any of these:

1. Hot enough for you? (No, I personally like it when the backs of my knees sweat while I'm sitting down.)
2. Do you remember a July being as hot as this already? (Uh, yeah. It's July. That's typically what happens)
3. Do you think this heat will ever go away? (Nope. Didn't you hear? Global warming has taken full effect this year and we're the new Florida. Enjoy and watch out for alligators!)
4. If this is July, are you looking forward to August? (I hate you.)
5. Don't you wish it was winter? (This coming from the person who will also ask in the dead of winter "Don't you wish it was summer?". GRRRRR!)
6. It's not so much the heat, it's the humidity? (I know. It's a stretch. I'm Ron Burgundy? )
AMEN!!! (Why is he wearing gloves?)

Little Jimmy practices for his future pledge class debut.

This week we are also blessed with another Friday the Firkenteenth so of course Scoats and the crew are waiting for you with open arms and open firkens to slake your dry, dusty throat with the finest brews known to man. The Firkenteenth starts on Friday at noon and goes til 10 pm! Be there or be hot!

 And summer wouldn't be complete without the continuation of the saga of the boys of summer; your Philadelphia Phillies. Of course the Phillies are unfortunately the opposite of hot right now but that doesn't mean you still can't support them, have some hot dogs, and enjoy some tall cold ones courtesy of Mike Perzel and The Perzel Agency. Get a quote on your personal insurance (Auto, Home, Renters, Life). You will then be entered to win seats (Section 131, Row 5--game to be determined).   While there, don't forget your $5.00 Wawa Gift Card. Just make sure you mention the MBA! All MBA members also qualify for a $25.00 Amazon Gift Card for getting a quote on your Business Insurance. No Purchase Necessary must be 18 years or older.

I can't think of anything witty to say to end this so I'll leave you with these awesome images to make you giggle.

I'm at a total loss as to what to say here.
So true, yet so gross.

Oh my! That's the biggest heat wave I've ever seen!!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

You Stay "Classy" America

Dear America,

USA! USA! USA!! Yeah, America!!! Happy Birthday!! I love you!!!!

We at the Mayfair Business Association want to wish you and yours a very happy and safe July 4th!

I know you're all about freedom, protecting people's rights and stuff (which is awesome) but if you could, PLEASE work on making these types of people go away. Convince them there's a hot new cupcake place opening in the middle of the Gobi Desert or that St. Vincent (the band, not the street) is giving a free concert in a bar that's actually a wormhole to another dimension (so rad. we'll work out the deets lates). That and if you could, find it in your liberty loving heart to eliminate all the a-holes who've been shooting off fireworks since last week. I'm all about patriotism but when you're shooting off fireworks that sound like a shotgun/cannon blast and it wakes up my kids, pretty much everyone in the neighborhood is hoping your timing is off and you blow your damn hand apart. Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of freedom.

Baby, you're a firework!!


Flag Waving, Red, White, and Blue, BBQ'd little ol' Me


Sunday, July 1, 2012

This Week in Mayfair (07/02/12)

Magic Mike =Harry Potter, The Desperate College Years
Riddle me this; Do you think the ridiculously hot temperatures over this past week are in direct correlation to the release of "Magic Mike" and the fact that most of the female populace of America is either starting or finishing the "50 Shades of Grey" series? Yeah. I didn't think so either. However I suppose I could make a good statistical chart convincing enough for Hollywood to award me with an Oscar if I really put my mind to it. Meh. Maybe next year. "True Blood" is on and what was I saying? Naked abs and sex? What the what now.....?

Did you know we have our very own "Coyote Ugly" here in Mayfair? Alright so maybe the flesh isn't as tanned and taut and the bartenders don't wear bustiers and thongs (that we know of *arch of the eyebrow*) but it's called the Grey Lodge Pub and it's our little piece of sexy beer heaven.  Underneath that hipster scruff, glorious beer knowledge, and the t-shirt of fabulously obscure bands (Feist) you've never heard of, beat the golden hearts of sex gods. Yes ladies, you heard me right, sex GODS. Grab your sweaty fistfuls of ones, your gray silk ties and breathless fantasies about BDSM (kinky bitches) and head on down to the GL. Quizzo is on Wednesday night starting at 8 and on full display are the men and their biggest organs. Seriously, there are huge brains EVERYWHERE. You thought I was going to say something else didn't you? That's because you're a depraved sex fiend. I'm not judging...just need to relax and take a cold shower. Jesus.
Who needs beefcake? I've got BRAINS!
Next to the GL the sexiest thing on the Ave is of course, "Magic Mike" Perzel. Mike gave up the flesh game years ago because he was being stalked by crazed females who just could. not. get. E. NOUGH. and went into the very safe and fully clothed business of selling insurance. (That pendulum sure swung waaaaaaay back). Now he's doing wholesome things like hosting prayer circles for sick kittens and eating all organic food regardless of the price. He's also giving away things like Phillies baseball tickets if you pole dance (hey, you can't leave that lifestyle behind entirely) your way into The Perzel Agency and get a quote on your personal insurance (Auto, Home, Renters, Life). You will then be entered to win seats (Section 131, Row 5--game to be determined).   While there, don't forget your $5.00 Wawa Gift Card. Just make sure you mention the MBA! All MBA members also qualify for a $25.00 Amazon Gift Card for getting a quote on your Business Insurance. No Purchase Necessary must be 18 years or older.

Pwease Mike Purrrzel, pway for me and all da udder sick kitties. Fank you.
So just a word of advice, if your wife/girlfriend/booty call is reading the "Grey" trilogy and is squealing into her phone about how she can't wait to see her favorite character in "Magic Mike", Big D**k Ritchie (I kid you not.), here are your options before she leaves you for some greasy, capitalizing d-bag;

1) Become a brooding billionaire with a penchants for spanking. Yeah, that's not going to happen; get a suit and a grey silk tie, tie her up, spank her, say "Laters Baby" when you leave the room (I guess. That's what I gather this book is about from reading Entertainment Weekly and Pinterest, which is where I get most of my knowledge about stuff from. Who's a deep thinker and has 2 thumbs? This girl.)

2) Get tear-a-way pants, some spray tanned abs, and get to grinding your junk on her face. (Call me Dr. Love.)
This is you. No denying it.

3) Sit back and wait for the Mayfair Baby-Boom of 2012. Bow chica wow wow.

Subsequently, if your significant other is reading the Grey triology for it's compelling literary story line and cries when it's not nominated for at least the Man Booker prize and then raves that Magic Mike deserves an Oscar you only have one option;
1) leave her desperate and dumb ass, Mr. Darcy (her cat), and her collection of dolls and knitted doilies.

And to leave you with one final scarring image, cause old people sex = icky, I would totally bet money that your mom and your elderly aunts have read the whole trilogy AND were first in line to see "Magic Mike". Don't even buy the line that they thought it was about "some nice, good-looking magician named Mike." Bunch of dirty old biddies like the Golden Girls (bless them). If you need me, I'll be at the Frankford/Cottman Triangle selling bleach for your eyes, booze for your soul,  and oddly enough, I'll have a spray tan booth set up. Who says capitalism is dead?  
I don't care if Aunt Linda's on the phone! I'm in the middle of something!