Monday, August 27, 2012

This Week in Mayfair (8/27/12)

Things I will never get:
1. A diamond and sapphire tiara.
2. The appeal of Adam Levine (I reeeeealllly don't get it.  He sounds like his pants are too tight. Which they are. He probably has a real deep baritone but when he crams into the pants? Boom! Instant falsetto.)
3. A penguin (Scratch that. I will TOTALLY get a penguin. They are so CUTE. Damn greedy zoos and aquariums keeping them all to themselves. *shakes fist in the general vicinity of penguin keepers*)
Resistance is futile.
Yes, I'd like one ticket to Table Mountain National Park. And I'll need a car apparently....penguins like cars.

4. A good night's sleep ever again now that my youngest (a.k.a Neutron Bomb. The oldest's nickname is King Boo Boo, in case you were wondering) is in a Big Boy Bed (BBB).

But the true question remains; will I never get sleep again because he now has nothing to contain him or I will I lie awake at night imagining all the horrible ways he could potentially perish? We had to completely proof the room again; brackets on the backs of the dresser and bookshelf, an out of reach lock on the closet in his room that doesn't always stay closed, and the all important doorknob protectors so the little angel can't get out. We also made sure that the screws holding the air conditioning unit in his window were tamper proof and tightened.  The only way he might potentially achieve harm is by giving himself a papercut with all the books in his room. Sounds pretty safe right? Wrong.

Here's what I imagine:
Neutron Bomb (NB) awakens at 5am, is entertained by the bucket of Hot Wheels in his BBB for oh, about 5 minutes. He jumps on the mattress for awhile, perilously close to bouncing his little blonde ass completely out of the bed and into the ER with a broken neck/fractured skull/broken limb.

Want to waste some more time at work? Type in "hotel bed jumping pictures" into Google image search.
 He then proceeds to climb up the dresser to the bookshelf and hang out on the top shelf for awhile, swinging his legs, his adorable little face inches from the ceiling fan. He gets bored and shockingly climbs down. He then decides to play mailman with all his books and shove them under the space in his door out into the hallway so either his father or I can slip on them and break a hip while in a sleep-daze. He can only fit so many under the door until there is a log jam. He also has so many books shoved under the door that there is no possible way we can open it to get to him unless the fireman come with the jaws of life (NB loves firefighters so this would just be an added bonus to his morning). He finds the bucket o' Hot Wheels again and makes a decision to throw them from his bed into the ceiling fan where they become little metal missiles that ricochet around the room, breaking his windows and leaving car-shaped holes in the walls. He finds this hilarious until one of them hits him in the eye and he has to wear an eye patch for the rest of his life. His parents take this in stride and come up with a list of Halloween costumes incorporating the eye-patch ad nauseum.
Nick Fury. We might need to hit the tanning booth a little for this one.

Snake Plissken

Captain Ron a.k.a. "Kurt Russell has a serious thing for eye patches."

Elle Driver

David Bowie. Still undecided as to whether or not to include the cigarette.

One Eyed Willie. Sloth love Chunk...

There is no way to segue from talking about eye patches and big boy beds into talking about Mayfair. Well,  I'm sure there is but I'm creatively tapped out right now having just spent the past half hour looking at hotel bed jumping pictures and reading up on how to keep a penguin in your house. 

Have you read this article? Get ready to crap your pants. 

I have to be honest. I'm not the crunchy, organic hippie-type but this freaks me out especially since I use this brand frequently with my kids. I understand that my veins are probably coated with Teflon at this point but when it comes to my offspring I actually try to be conscientious of what goes into their pristine little systems most of the time. Did you know that we have a resource for this stuff right in the neighborhood? MBA member, Stan's Health Food Store at 7161 Frankford Ave sells organic bath and body products along with vitamins and other healthy lifestyle products. I'll be heading there directly to get some stuff for my dirty little munchkins! 

If you're going to Stan's Health Foods make sure to wear flowers in your formaldehyde-free shampooed hair.
While I'm out celebrating what a fabulous, earth conscious citizen I am, I'll probably stop by Torresdale Flowers to say "hi" to Antoniette and to pick up her special of a dozen red roses for $19.99. Get one for your wife, significant other, or your boss. God knows you need all the help you can get! Visit the website here so you can browse the beautiful bouquets! Torresdale Flowers
Flowers. The non-verbal acknowledgement that you effed up.

I'll probably also need a cash infusion after shopping at Stan's and Torresdale Flowers so of course I'll go to my bank, see my favorite teller Nancy, get lollipops for my kids (DumDums--not organic--see I'm not THAT crazy hippie). Viriva's holding a Flea Market for Charity on Sunday, September 30, 2012 from 10AM until 3PM at their Warminster (157 York Road  Warminster, PA 18974) branch. I'll do a separate post about this to include all the info Viriva CCU gave me so mark your calendars and stay tuned!

That's a LOT of running around and I'm burning a lot of gas! I hope I'm one of the weekly winners of the $50 or $100 free gas gift card at Mayfair Shop N Bag. There's one $100 winner weekly and 4 $50 winners! See the store for details!

And finally, I'll need a place to kick back and gloat over my shopping spoils. The Grey Lodge Pub fits that bill perfectly. As always, Quizzo is a mainstay on Wednesday nights at 8pm, second floor, teams of 4. You should know this by heart now! I do!!
The GL is also celebrating Friday, August 31, from 6pm – 9pm a little event that they are calling "19: It's Not Just a Breakfast Number Anymore". I had no idea what this meant so I Googled it. I'm assuming it's in reference to the discontinued Kellogg's Product 19 cereal which I have a very vague recollection of now that I've seen a picture. 
Scoats may or may not be dating himself with this reference.

Apparently now, it's a beer number too AND it's a Pre-Prohibition style lager. Sounds like the perfect beer to celebrate the fact that the new season of 'Boardwalk Empire" will soon be upon us. While the cereal and Batch 19 beer may share some things in common (made of grains, consumption by humans, very limited availablity) last time I checked, cereal won't get you drunk which is actually VERY unfortunate and would be extremely cost effective (at least for me). 

Scoats and the crew will have Colorado's Batch 19 on tap. Since the beer is backed by Miller-Coors you can bet your sweet grain-filled behind there will be swag giveaways and goodies as well. "Worry not! The beer is tasty!" quoteth Scoats to the beer snobs who are as particular as the organic, crunchy-granola set when it comes to beer (Main difference? Armpit hair ratios.).  So stop by, buy a pint, keep the glass and play Batch 19 Blackjack to win even MORE prizes!! But don't get in over your head lest Nucky Thompson has to stop by and make an example out of you. We all saw what happened to Jimmy. Look out Margaret, you might be next.

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